Title: Like A Kite Without A String
Author: Carrehz
Rating: PG-13, I suppose.
Character(s): Kaboom and Pat; Giggles, 420, Allie and Windsor are mentioned (and there's vague references to Cami and Chuckles, too, if you look for 'em).
Warning(s): Swearing, angst. I think that's everything.
Notes: First-person, written from Kaboom's point-of-view. This will probably make the most sense if you've read my other fics about the Curran siblings (especially 420's backstory), but it can stand by itself, too.
Like A Kite Without A String
"Oh hey, Kaboom! Didn't expect to see you out tonight."
I walked past the dragon, avoiding his gaze as I slumped against a nearby wall. "Yeah, well.. my sister has her girlfriend over, so.."
"Ugh, yeah, I know how that is. Back before my older brother moved out.."
I stopped listening after that point, the conversation becoming background noise as I stared at the ground. I wasn't really interested in anything that any of them had to say, even though they were supposed to be my friends.
It's not like I really knew any of them. The only reason I hung out with them was because I didn't have much choice; either I hung out on street corners with these guys, or I stayed home and tried desperately to block out those noises. Stupid Giggles and her stupid girlfriend.
So I spent most nights out on the streets, watching the shadows on the walls and occasionally talking to the others. I didn't really know any of these people, but... like I said, they were all I had, really. At least they didn't make fun of me like everyone else. Well, not to my face, anyway. I'm sure they had a good laugh about me behind my back... But I'm used to that, of course.
"...So anyway, are you still moving to Felicitas, Pat?"
That caught my attention. Felicitas City... Giggles was moving there next week. It was all she'd talk about, how she was moving there with her frigging girlfriend just so she could see her other stupid friend again and god I was so sick of it.
"Yeah, hopefully. I still need to find a roommate though, I don't think I'll be able to afford it otherwise."
I'd wanted to move out for a long time - especially after I graduated high school - but I didn't know how to. It wasn't like I had a girlfriend to mooch off of, after all, and I hadn't put much thought into getting a job or going to college or anything like that. Not that I could have gone to college, even if I'd wanted to, but that's beside the point. So I'd spent the last year or so waiting around doing nothing, pretty much. Not really anything different from what I'd been doing before.
But now Giggles was moving out and that changed things. She'd never let me forget it, how she moved out before I did. How she escaped this stupid jerkwater town and I was still stuck at home - stuck in that damp, cold, lonely house all by myself.
Well, not quite by myself. There was 420, my older brother. But he was never really around, and whenever he was around he just shut himself up in his room all day. I dunno what he did in there... well, no, that wasn't really true, either; I had an idea of what was going on. I wasn't stupid. I didn't really care what he did, though.. it wasn't really any of my business, and it wasn't like he'd exactly taken a lot of interest in my life. He'd never spent more than a few minutes with me, actually.
No one ever spent a lot of time around me, though. Not even my parents, but they'd always been like that. I couldn't even remember them much any more.
It suited me just fine, though. I didn't like being around others for very long.. except my friends, I guess. I just didn't want to be alone.
"You.. need a roommate?"
I spoke without fully thinking about it, addressing the bear who had just spoken. He looked.. different nowadays. He'd stopped dyeing his hair, for one thing. Not that I paid much attention to his appearance.. or anyone's appearance, for that matter. Especially not my own.
He glanced round at me, looking surprised briefly before nodding. "Well, yeah.. I mean, that'll make it easier if I could split the rent and shi- stuff, with someone else."
"M-maybe I could move in with you."
I don't know what I was thinking, really. Even back then I knew it would be awkward to live with him. We barely knew each other. But I didn't really care at that point. I just really, really wanted to get out of Telluria, and this might be the only chance I got.
"...Really? I.. yeah, maybe?" He paused. "Wait, do you even have a job?"
I looked away from him as I answered. "Well.. no.. not yet. I was thinking I could look after I moved.." I hadn't thought about it at all, but whatever. At least I'd have something to do in Felicitas.
"Yeah, I guess that could work." He pulled a piece of paper and pen out of his bag and started scribbling something. "Look, I'll give you my phone number, okay? Then I can call you later so we can talk about it more."
I took the paper from him, shoving it in my pocket without even looking at it. "Alright.."
~~~~
As luck would have it, we ended up moving on the exact same day as Giggles. She left before me, even though I tried so hard to be the first one to leave. But I had to pack and carry everything by myself, whereas she had two friends to assist her. Of course.
I scribbled out a quick note for her before I left; I tossed it on the kitchen table, next to some other note that I think one of her friends had written. Giggles'd probably forget something and have to come back anyway, she'd probably see it. Not that it really mattered if she saw it or not.
So from that day onwards, I lived with Pat. His flat was... nice, I suppose. I didn't really want to be there, though. Don't get me wrong, it was better than where I was living back in Telluria, but it just.. didn't feel like I belonged there.
I didn't see him very often; he worked for most of the day. I know I'd promised him I'd get a job, but somehow I could never bring myself to actually look. I didn't really know how to look, anyway, even if I had felt like looking, or doing anything other than staying at home all day.
Even when he wasn't working, we didn't see much of each other. I avoided him most of the time, retreating into my room whenever he came home. I didn't know what to say to him. We didn't even eat dinner or anything together, because I didn't want him watching me, judging me.
He'd ask me questions whenever he saw me. "Have you got a job yet?" "Have you even looked for a job yet?" "When are you going to have this month's rent?" "Did you do anything today?" "Are you ever going to bother getting a job so you can pay your half of the rent, or are you just going to sit there forever?" I didn't mean to take advantage or anything. I'd get a job eventually.
~~~~
"Y-you're kicking me out?!" I stared at him, blinking rapidly to try and stop myself from crying. I couldn't cry in front of him, no matter what.. even though I could already feel tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.
"Oh, come on, it can't be that much of a surprise. You must have realized this'd happen sooner or later." He kept looking away, for some reason.
"B-but I.. Why?"
He turned back to look at me. "Seriously? You really have to ask?" He continued before I could say anything. "You're not paying the rent at all, for starters. It'd be one thing if you never paid it on time, but as it is, I had to ask my parents to send me some money this month, just so we didn't get evicted! Do you think other people would put up with this for as long as I have?"
"I-I.." I stammered, but he cut me off again before I could say anything.
"Damn it, Kaboom, this can't go on any longer! I'm tired of your excuses, I-" He cut off suddenly, glancing at the clock. "..I need to go to work." He sighed. "We'll talk about this more when I get back."
I watched him leave, still trying to fight back tears. He wanted me to get a job.. maybe if I found one before he got back, he'd change his mind and let me stay here? I didn't like it here, but it was this or nothing. I had nowhere else to go.. if he kicked me out, I'd have to live on the streets.
Just thinking about it scared me.
I left shortly afterwards, searching around all day for work. I had to find something, anything..
~~~~
For once, I was actually waiting for Pat when he got back from work. I spoke before he had a chance to, my words coming out in a desperate rush. "I got a job while you were out, i-it's not really that great but I get paid at the end of the week so you won't kick me out now right?!"
He blinked. "Wh.. you got a job?" He just stood there for a second, looking confused, before shaking his head. "That's great, Kaboom, but you'll still have to find somewhere else to live."
"B-but- I can pay the rent now-"
"Look.. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but we both know this isn't working out. I'm glad you've got a job, honestly, but what if you get fired? How would I be able to trust you to look for another job if that happened?"
I just looked at him, no idea what to say. I'd almost entirely convinced myself that he wouldn't kick me out.
"...But where will I go?" I eventually managed to say, my voice shaking. He sighed again.
"You can stay until the end of the week.. I'm sure you can find someone else looking for a roommate by then. Look in the paper or something. But you've got to go after that, no matter what." He started to walk away, but paused when he reached the door, his back to me.
"..I'm sorry, Kaboom-"
"Oh, shut up," I yelled, cutting him off as I pushed past him, trying to get to my own bedroom. "I don't want to hear it. Just.. just f-fuck off! Leave me alone!" I ran into the room and slammed the door behind me. I stood there for a second, leaning against the door, before slowly sliding down the wall until I was sitting on the floor, shaking and trying not to cry.
"S-stupid... weak..." I muttered to myself, burying my head in my hands to try and muffle my sobs. I didn't want him to hear. I hated myself for crying, for being such a weak, useless person.
No wonder no one liked me.
~~~~
I didn't really see Pat again, after that day. I didn't want to. I avoided him and I'm fairly sure he was avoiding me, too.
Anyway, I managed to find somewhere else to live, a few days later. I didn't really like the idea of living with a complete stranger, but I suppose it wasn't really that much of a change. Besides, there was no way I'd be able to afford to live by myself, not at the moment. I didn't get paid that much.
Well, I worked odd hours at a petrol station, so that's to be expected. What other kind of job could I get on such short notice? I lived with some otter guy, Windsor or whoever. We never really talked, but that's okay.
I'm used to it, after all.