Title: 420's Backstory (yeah, I never really gave this one a 'proper' name.)
Author: Carrehz
Rating: somewhere between PG-13 and 14, idk
Character(s): 420, Jun, Giggles, Kaboom, Allie and Cami.
Warning(s): Swearing/not-exactly-G-rated dialogue, some suggestiveness, mentions of drug use (nothing too explicit), quick mention of suicide... basically a lot of bad decisions are made in this fic, okay? This is what happens when the main character is an idiot, haha.
Notes: Italics = thoughts/emphasis. There are a lot of italics in this fic so, y'know, those of you with italics allergies should stay away. Wow wtf was I talking about there. This is VERY roughly written, it's more of a 'draft' than an actual, finished fic, but to be honest the chances of me writing this up properly are very, very low, so I figured I'd put this up anyways. First-person, written in the perspective of 420. Also this was written before I actually named Jun (yeah, I know, I suck), so that's why the fic dances around using his name.. just excuse that bit of 'early installment weirdness', please. ^^;
I can't remember much of my childhood. It wasn't really interesting.. I can barely even remember when my little sisters were born. My parents weren't around much even then, so mostly I just remember being alone.
Really, nothing that interesting happened to me until I was in high school.. I was wandering around one day when I noticed a group of guys hanging around behind the bike sheds. Curious, I wandered over to them. "What're you doing?"
Most of them jumped, and looked kind of shifty, as if I had caught them in the act. "Er- n-nothing, nothing.." they said hastily.
One of them, however, just remained casual. "Maybe you'll be interested in it~" he said.
He was a tiger, and obviously the ringleader of this little 'gang'.
I fell in love with him right away.
I'd pretty much always known I was gay. Well, okay, there had been some girls that I thought were kind of pretty, but either way I'd never really had a proper, serious crush on anyone before now. I didn't even think about it.. the moment I saw him I knew, I was in love.
"Y'see, we're doi... we've got this stuff.. but you can't tell a single person about it.."
I wasn't that naive. I knew what they were doing alright. But hey, it wasn't like I had anything better to do. I'd spent most of my life wandering around aimlessly, waiting for something exciting to happen.
"..but they'll make you feel really good, so if you just promise not to tell anyone.."
"Er.. y-yeah, I'm in," I said quickly, blushing.
The school bell rang then, before we could do anything. I started to run for it like the others, but he caught my arm before I could get too far away. I felt my face burn. "Hey. We're going to meet up later, you want to join us?"
"Yeah, okay."
~~~~
We were in a field in the middle of God-knows-where, in the back of someone's truck. I didn't know whose, and I didn't care either. I didn't care about much anything at the moment, I felt so utterly free, so happy for once in my life...
I knew my parents wouldn't care about the fact that I wasn't going to be back home until late, they never did. Sometimes I'd stayed out until gone midnight, wandering around the streets aimlessly, and they'd never said a word. That is, if they were even there to say anything about it; sometimes they didn't come home until late, either. I dunno why. I never paid much attention to them, and they didn't pay much attention to me.
I wanted to see him.
I looked around the surprisingly crowded truck until I saw him, leaning on the 'wall' of the car. He looked pretty lucid still. More lucid than I felt, anyway, and that was saying something. I somehow managed to get near him.. I didn't even know how I managed it at the time. It seemed that one minute I was alone, and the next minute I was next to him.
"Hey.. hey, I, I think you're really.. really..." I tried to think of something nice to say, but it was like wading through cotton. My mind was foggy. "Really pretty," I eventually settled on. "And I, I.." My mouth wasn't working properly, or maybe it was my mind? I couldn't think of the words properly, I couldn't think of anything except how wonderful everything felt right now.
I didn't think about what I did next at all, I just did it. I leaned forward and pressed my mouth against his. I had never kissed anyone before, and - well, I couldn't really think about anything much, like I said, so..
He looked at me, surprised, and then pulled away. "What are you doing?!"
"I- I really.. I like you! I really, really like you!"
"Hm?" He blinked, then kind of smiled at me. "Well, okay then."
And then he kissed me, and everything was just so, so perfect..
Eventually the 'party' broke up, and everyone started wandering off back home, myself included. But then he caught up with me.
"Hey, where are you wandering off to?" He smiled again. Or maybe it was a smirk. I wasn't really sure at the time, and I also did not care. "I wanted to walk with you."
"Ah.. okay." I was still quite shy around him, not sure what to say. I'd never been around someone else for this long. We hadn't talked much at all, but this was still probably the closest I'd ever come to having a conversation with, well, anyone, really.
He slipped his hand in mine and we began walking. I didn't know where we were going. I probably should have asked him, but meh. I was too distracted, anyways. Plus, I still couldn't think properly.
Eventually he stopped. We seemed to be in another random field. Where the hell did they find these places, anyway? We wandered over to a nearby tree together, and then he let go of my hand, threw his bag down and sat down, leaning against the tree.
"C'mere."
"'Kay." I dropped my bag near his, and went to sit down next to him - but he grabbed my shirt and pulled me down in front of him, putting his arms around me.
And we were kissing, and it just, just felt so mind-numbingly wonderful, like there was absolutely nothing wrong in the world whatsoever- and he undid my shirt and it felt right. I had never liked shirts all that much, I just wore them because I was 'supposed' to.
At this point, I couldn't really see why I'd ever bothered wearing them.
I pulled my shirt off and threw that, along with my tie (which I had undone long ago, like most of the other people that had been in the truck) aside..
I can vaguely remember us kissing, making out while shirtless, but to be honest it's all mostly a blur to me now. I mainly remember the feelings I experienced then, my emotions..
I do remember him slipping his hand into- down my-
I remember him trying to go too far. I wasn't that out of it.
I pushed him away. "No, come on, I'm not- I'm not doing that, not here, anyone could see.."
A pause.
"Okay~ We can do that later, then."
~~~
I spent most of the next few years with him, and with the rest of my friends. That was what I considered them, anyways.
Sometimes we were in someone's car, sometimes, someone's parents were out and we went round to their house. Often we just ended up in the middle of nowhere. I can't remember a hell of a lot of what happened, because, y'know, I was out of it most of the time.
I suppose I must have known, even then, that my boyfriend wasn't perfect. I did get annoyed with him sometimes.
~~~
We were in the back of that truck again, or maybe it was a different truck, I dunno. We were having a vague sort-of conversation, and then he just.. just started kissing me right there, in front of everyone else.
I wouldn't have minded that, but I didn't like how he was acting at that point - as if he was just showing off. I pushed him away.
"Get off me!"
I heard some of the others laughing, kind of taunting me. "Heh, lover's tiff!"
"What's up with 420?"
I flared up. "Don't call me that! You know I hate that name!"
I didn't 'get' that stupid nickname. Yeah, okay, my birthday was on the 20th of April, which I'm sure is very funny and all, but it was such a ridiculous nickname - and they called me that in public too, where anyone could have heard, and wouldn't that give the game away? I'd said as much to them.. I think... but still they kept calling me that.
Eventually I grew used to it. I'd never liked my real name that much, either, so I guess 420 was some kind of improvement.
But I still didn't like it that much.
"Hey, cool it, firecracker." He pulled me into his arms again, looking at me with that look, and I just.. I just melted, more or less. I couldn't stay mad at him for long, even when he was being such a dick like this.
~~~
It continued much like this - we went out, got stoned, maybe I'd go off with him and get lai- we'd do stuff together, and then I'd return home, wander past my parents and fall asleep.
Except one night, they weren't there.
Well, whatever. They did get back from work late sometimes. I went to sleep and didn't think about it any more.
But they weren't there when I went to drop my bag off at home before going off with the others, either. Nor were they there when I got home later on that night.
A week later, I got a note from them. I don't know where the note is - it's probably long gone by now - but I can still sort of remember what it said. It said that they'd be gone for a bit, so I'd have to look after my sisters for a bit. They'd also included some money, for rent and food and stuff.
To be honest, I hadn't paid much attention to my sisters at all before I got that note. I could barely even remember their names. I thought for a bit, then, glancing at the time, realized I should probably do as my parents had told me and look after them.. so I should pick them up from school, maybe.
I wandered into the playground and wandered around, not sure where to go. I was aware that I was being stared at, but I wasn't really sure why. I'm not even entirely sure how I even found the damn school.
Children were milling around everywhere, obviously I had gotten here a bit late. Eventually I spotted one of my sisters and rushed over to her. "Heyyy, Giggles," I said, inwardly hoping against hope that I had gotten her name right. She was with a pink wolf girl, who I vaguely recognized. I think her name was Allie or maybe Cami, I'm not sure. "C'mon, let's go home."
She stared at me, her eyes wide, as if she was freaked out by something. "Uhh, I'm going home with Allie today.."
I shrugged and began to say 'okay', but she had already left. I found my other sister - Kaboom - a few minutes later.. she came home with me. I remember vaguely wondering why she wasn't going home with anyone, but I didn't ask her why.
By this point, I had remembered that I should probably be with my friends, like I always was. I'd promised I'd be there. And it had been an awfully long time since I'd had my fix. Maybe a few hours. I dunno. So when we got home, I told her I had to go somewhere and then I rushed off, finding the current meeting place easily.
I left her all alone.
I didn't think about either of my sisters for the rest of the night.
~~~
I'm not sure how I graduated from high school. I'm not even sure when it happened, but I think it was somewhere around here.
I didn't do what my parents had asked me to, not really. I did use most of the money to pay the rent and buy food, but I spent the rest of it on.. well, whatever I felt like, really.
....Well, like I said, I can't remember a lot of this. Just mostly vague images and flashing emotions, and- um- some other stuff. I do remember one time, I woke up in some field somewhere. I had absolutely no idea where I was.
Briefly looking around for my shirt, I found it next to me, pulling it on hastily and then set off for home. Try as I might, I could not remember anything from last night.
When I got home, I walked into the lounge. The first thing I saw was Giggles, sitting on the sofa with that pink wolf girl. Their hair was all messed up, and the wolf girl was staring at me, her eyes wide. I think she might have been blushing, but it was hard to tell. I wasn't really concentrating, anyway.
I didn't realize what I'd just walked in on until I was in my bedroom. I didn't think too much about it even then, to be honest; I was too preoccupied with trying to find a certain plastic bag in my backpack.
~~~
Later on that day, I phoned my boyfriend up and invited him over.
"C'mon, let's have some fun~" he said suddenly. We were already stoned, pretty much, so that couldn't be it. I blinked, then shook my head.
"No... my sisters are here, they might hear.."
"Come on.."
"..fine, as long as you're quiet."
~~~
The only other event that really sticks out in my mind is the day that he broke up with me.
I'd phoned him up, and asked him if he wanted to come over.
Silence.
"No. I'm not coming over any more, 420."
"W..why?" My hands began to shake, but that wasn't too unusual.
"Because I don't like you any more."
I think he said some other things, but I wasn't paying attention. Eventually, I realized that he'd put the phone down.
I sat there for a few minutes, staring at the floor. I thought of everything that we'd ever done, of how much I'd loved him, and I couldn't stand it. I wanted to die.
I stood up - and then I noticed my backpack lying on the ground. A thought occured to me, and I rummaged through it until I found what I was looking for. I still had some left...
Well, might as well have a few laughs before it was over, anyway.
~~~
A few hours later, I suddenly remembered my plan to kill myself. I wasn't sure what to do.
Suddenly, the muffled sounds of Giggles and Kaboom arguing with each other hit my ears. Oh yeah. I need to look after my sisters, right.
I looked at the plastic baggie lying nearby. It wasn't empty yet, so..
~~~
I finally came to my senses the day my sisters left home.
I wandered into the kitchen one day and saw two notes on the table. One was hastily scrawled, and some parts looked as though whoever had written them had been forced into writing them. It said, roughly, "Fuck you, Giggles." I blinked, then looked at the other paper. The handwriting was much cleaner, and very girly. I think there were hearts over the 'I's, even. I can't remember what it said exactly, but it was something like this:
"Hi, 420! I don't think you know me, but I'm Cami, a friend of Giggles. She's moving to Felicitas City today. I'm sure you probably know this already, but Giggles said she wasn't going to say goodbye to you or anything and I figured I should probably tell you just in case! I've got to go now, 'cause Giggles keeps telling me to hurry up so she can leave before her sister, so, bye~~" - and then a signature. I sat down in the nearest chair, staring at the letter without reading it, trying to make sense of it all.
My sisters were gone. I didn't know where they were, and I would probably never see them again.
I could barely remember them. I hadn't really done anything with them, hadn't gotten to know them. They hated each other and that was all my fault, I knew it was.
I was such a fucking failure.
I honestly thought about committing suicide then, about ending it all. But eventually I decided against it then, too, in case they ever came back.
I knew how unlikely it was. They probably hated me.
But I had to cling onto that small bit of hope anyways.