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"Cats" and all related things are the property of Andrew Lloyd Webber, The Really Useful Group, and related parties. Lyrics are taken from and based off "Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats" and other poems by T.S. Eliot, with additions by Trevor Nunn and Richard Stilgoe. No copyright infringement is intended.

The Rum Tum Tugger Sung by: The Rum Tum Tugger, Quaxo, Bombalurina and The Company (London, Video) The Rum Tum Tugger, the toms, Bombalurina and The Company (Broadway, Australia)
Original London Cast	Original Broadway Cast	Original Australian Cast	Video
The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat: If you offer me pheasant, I'd rather have grouse If you put me in a house, I would much prefer a flat If you put me in a flat, then I only want a house If you set me on a mouse, then I only want a rat If you set me on a rat, then I'd rather chase a mouse The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat - And there isn't any call for me to shout it: For he will do As he do do And there's no doing anything about it The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore: When you let me in, then I want to go out I'm always on the wrong side of every door As soon as I'm at home, then I like to get about I like to lie in the bureau drawer, But I make such a fuss if I can't get out The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat - And there isn't any use for you to doubt it: For he will do As he do do And there's no doing anything about it The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast: My disobliging ways are a matter of habit If you offer me fish, then I only want a feast When there isn't any fish, then I won't eat rabbit If you offer me cream, then I sniff and sneer For I only like what I find for myself... mmm So you'll catch me in it right up to my ears If you put it away on the larder shelf The Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing, The Rum Tum Tugger Doesn't care for a cuddle But I'll leap on your lap in the middle of your sewing For there's nothing I enjoy like a horrible muddle. The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat - The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat And there isn't any need for me to spout it: For he will do As he do do And there's no doing anything about... about... About it!	The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat: If you offer me pheasant, I'd rather have grouse If you put me in a house, I would much prefer a flat If you put me in a flat, then I'd rather have a house If you set me on a mouse, then I only want a rat If you set me on a rat, then I'd rather chase a mouse The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat - And there isn't any need for me to shout it: For he will do As he do do And there's no doing anything about it The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore: When you let me in, then I want to go out I'm always on the wrong side of every door As soon as I'm at home, then I like to get about I like to lie in the bureau drawer, But I make such a fuss if I can't get out The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat - And there isn't any need for you to doubt it: For he will do As he do do And there's no doing anything about it The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast: My disobliging ways are a matter of habit If you offer me fish, then I always want a feast When there isn't any fish, then I won't eat rabbit If you offer me cream, then I sniff and sneer For I only like what I find for myself... no So you'll catch me in it right up to my ears If you put it away on the larder shelf The Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing, The Rum Tum Tugger Doesn't care for a cuddle But I'll leap on your lap in the middle of your sewing For there's nothing I enjoy like a horrible muddle. The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat - The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat And there isn't any need for me to spout it: For he will do As he do do And there's no doing anything about... about... about... About it!	The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat: If you offer me pheasant, I'd rather have grouse If you put me in a house, I would much prefer a flat If you put me in a flat, I would rather have a house If you set me on a mouse, then I only want a rat If you set me on a rat, then I'd rather chase a mouse The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat - And there isn't any call for me to shout it: For he will do As he do do And there's no doing anything about it The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore: When you let me in, then I want to go out I'm always on the wrong side of every door As soon as I'm at home, then I like to get about I like to lie in the bureau drawer, But I make such a fuss if I can't get out The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat - And there isn't any use for you to doubt it: For he will do As he do do And there's no doing anything about it The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast: My disobliging ways are a matter of habit If you offer me fish, then I only want a feast When there isn't any fish, then I won't eat rabbit If you offer me cream, then I sniff and sneer For I only like what I find for myself... mmm So you'll catch me in it right up to my ears If you put it away on the larder shelf The Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing, The Rum Tum Tugger Doesn't care for a cuddle But I'll leap on your lap in the middle of your sewing For there's nothing I enjoy like a horrible muddle. The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat - The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat And there isn't any need for me to spout it: For he will do As he do do And there's no doing anything about... about... about... About it!	Meow! Meow! The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat: If you offer me pheasant, I'd rather have grouse If you put me in a house, I would much prefer a flat If you put me in a flat, then I'd rather have a house If you set me on a mouse, then I only want a rat If you set me on a rat, then I'd rather chase a mouse The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat - And there isn't any call for me to shout it: For he will do As he do do And there's no doing anything about it The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore: When you let me in, then I want to go out I'm always on the wrong side of every door And as soon as I get home, then I like to get about I like to lie in a bureau drawer, But I make such a fuss if I can't get out The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat - And there isn't any use for you to doubt it: For he will do As he do do And there's no doing anything about it The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast: My disobliging ways are a matter of habit Now if you offer me fish, then I always want a feast And if there isn't any fish, then I won't eat a rabbit If you offer me cream, then I sniff and sneer For I only like what I find for myself... no So you'll catch me in it right up to my ears If you put it away on the larder shelf The Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing, The Rum Tum Tugger Doesn't care for a cuddle So I'll leap on your lap in the middle of your sewing 'Cause there's nothing I enjoy like a horrible muddle. The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat - The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat And there isn't any need for me to spout it: For he will do As he do do And there's no doing anything about... about... about... About it!
Notes Live versions generally have Tugger dance with a random member of the audience during the instrumental break halfway through - so if the choreography in that part of the video version seemed a bit odd to you, well, that's why. They had to improvise ;). Also, live versions generally start off the song with the girls squealing "Tugger!" when he first appears (kinda like how the video version has him announce his presence with a "meow~"). Just for the record.. Note that the 2014 London revival had an... alternate... version of this song - for some reason, they felt it necessary to change Tugger into a rapper. The nicest thing I can say about this version is that it gave me a whole new appreciation for the original... and that's all I'll say about it. If you want to know more about it, you'll have to look it up elsewhere - but don't say I didn't warn you ;) Luckily, the 2016 Broadway and 2017 International Tour productions have reverted back to the original version of the song. (Thank god!!!)